With Closed Eyes
by hpfanfreak06
Summary: She wonders if Barbara would have been a better choice. Slightly AU


**Author's Note: Back again! So the Glee season Finale was dismal. The writers clearly do not care about the new characters at all (nor do I really) and given circumstances they probably had to throw it together fairly fast. This what I would have hoped for from the end of the season. Here's to hoping for a better season 5! Reviews are awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.**

She wonders if Barbara would have been a better choice. There's no regret from her first audition, she's certain of that. New Directions first successful group number is everything she loves about performing, it's engrained in her heart. When the producers called her and asked for a second look, her instinct said, sing Celine. The song she chooses shows her vocal range, steadiness, and volume. Everything the producers would be looking for. She cannot help but wonder though if it shows her heart.

Standing poised and ready, nerves gone in one deep breath, she envisions Finn. Watching her as she sang, just him and her, no big time producers, nothing but music. She gave it all for the part too, other than Finn, this is the one thing she's been waiting for. And waiting is all she can do.

When the audition is over and her heels clunk along the sidewalk, she calls him. Chewing her lip to hold back any sudden burst of excitement. He picks up on the first ring.

"How'd it go?"

She loves that they can both answer the phone that way. No cordial hello's or introductions.

"It was a dream."

"So I take it went well?"

"I hope so. Before they called me in I was so nervous and I swear I was having flashbacks to my first NYADA audition. But then, the music started, and I pictured myself singing to you. Every note, every word, for you. It was like you were there with me, sitting in that same spot in the choir room. Believing in me like no one else does."

"How can I not believe in you? You're amazing and you have a gift that most people would kill for."

"I just hope the producers see that."

"They'd be nuts not too. You're a star after all."

They talk more, as she walks to the subway, before the connection breaks underground. She supposes she'll call her father's when she reaches her apartment. They were her first supporters after all.

It's when she's sitting on the only clean seat, speeding through the dark that she loses it. Rivers of tears fall from her eyes as she attempts to cover choked sobs. The small crowd of riders around her seemingly ignore her, not at all phased. All of her dreams are coming true, and much faster than she ever imagined. She's smiling through her tears. It's been a while since she's felt this happy.

Waiting finally ends. A week of keeping her phone latched to her and pacing anxiously stops with a phone call. She's alone, it's a Friday and Kurt took the train to Lima for the weekend with Santana. At first the ring of her phone is masked by the headphones in her ears, she's been trying desperately to relax. It's only when the song changes that she hears it. Darting to the coffee table, the unknown number flashes before her. She could have saved it, but decided it was more of a thrill not too (and also a bit of good luck). The call is almost missed in her sudden shock, but she touches the green button just in time.

For the week she waited, that nightmare, where she get's chosen as the understudy, wakes her up every night. She thinks it might come true, in the moment between "Hello, this is Rachel Berry," and "This was a tough choice, but we've come to a decision."

After the conversation ends, she runs to the roof. A place she only discovered after Santana called her to come let her in after too many shots that quote "tasted like cake!" The sunlight is around her and she's standing in the farthest corner, her hands resting almost painfully on the cement ledge. New York and beyond is before her, and she swears even in the daylight she can see Broadway in the distance. Its marquees and colorful posters, the only place where music can be heard in the air. She can't breathe, and for the second time in a week, she lets herself fall. Clutching her phone she dials.

"Hey Rachel-"

"I got it."

She's still crying and with the silence, she's not sure he heard her.

"You-you did?!"

Somehow even through the phone, she feels his smile, lightening up his face and her whole world.

"Yeah, they just called. I get to be on Broadway Finn, with the lights and the costumes and the audience. None of it seems real, maybe because I've dreamed about it for so long."

"I'm so proud of you and God you're amazing. Wait, I'm the first person you called?"

She may have been hoping he wouldn't pick up on that.

"Yeah, you were. And I know this might sound odd, because we're not together, but lately when anything good or bad happens, you're the first person I want to know. Kurt may be my best friend, but you're my heart."

"Thank you. You're mine too."

She wishes he was here, sitting next to her. So she says it.

"I want you here, so much."

"I'll be there tonight."

"Finn, you can't just leave, with school, and Glee club."

"Don't worry, I'm more than ready for my finals, and Glee club is just fine without me. And if I want to spend a weekend in New York celebrating with you, there's really no stopping me."

"Are you sure, I know Kurt is there and-"

"All the more reason to come see you. So I'll see you at your apartment door at 7?"

"Okay."

Somehow even with booking a last minute flight, she hears his knock not a minute after 7.

The loft door slides open and he's there. Just like she wanted. But for moment she's not sure what to say. It's been a few months since they've stood in front of each other and the nerves are there.

"Hey Rach"

He speaks and suddenly the nerves vanish and she's throwing her arms around him. She missed burying her face in his chest, smelling that safe smell that warms her heart and gives her courage.

"I so happy you're here."

It's almost muffled by his shirt, but she knows he heard her when she feels him squeeze her a little tighter.

With reluctance she pulls away from him, linking her fingers with his and gently leading him to her room. His bag goes next to her bed, there's no questioning in his eyes, and she's relieved. This gives her all the hope that he loves her just as much as he says he does.

He wanted to take her out that night. Buy an entire bottle of expensive wine and order foods you can't pronounce. Despite his insistence, she opts for Chinese takeout and that cheap wine found in grocery stores.

Because she couldn't help it, there's a blanket spread out on the floor with pillows beneath their elbows. They're laughing and there are splotches of wine on her shirt, she feels at ease, finally. Part of her thinks it's the alcohol but really, it's his presence.

When they've stuffed themselves with fried rice and their glasses are set aside it's silent. Until he's kissing her and its sweet and perfect, and everything she needs.

They fall asleep on the floor that night, until sometime around three a.m. she feels herself being carried and set on her bed. Opening her eyes for a moment in the midst of heavy sleep, she watches him as he steps into her bathroom, brushing his teeth (he never could rest until then) before climbing in next to her, pulling her close.

Morning comes in a whisper of unspoken "I love you"'s, smoothly and with certainty. She watches him sleep, hand behind his head, gentle breathing. Moments later, he's awake, smiling through a daze, kissing her with pure bliss.

As she's making breakfast, she decides she wants this every morning, for the rest of her life. Finn walking up sleepily behind her, kissing her neck, both of them barefoot.

They spend the day meandering around her neighborhood. Holding hands while perusing through used book stores (he buys her this old copy of Breakfast at Tiffany's) and music stores filled with vinyl's and vintage posters. When they walk by a flower shop he hands her a pink tulip and she kisses him on the cheek. It's one of those days she'll keep in that part of her mind saved for Finn.

When he leaves the next morning she almost follows him.

"It sucks when you leave."

"Yeah, it really sucks. But I promise, this is the last time I'm saying goodbye."

"That's an awfully big promise."

"That's why I'm making it, because you and me, we're kind of a forever promise. And the next time I see you, I'm not leaving, never again."

"I'll hold you to that."

He kisses her once more, without force, slowly, to savor it.

"Keep your eyes closed, it'll be easier that way. So you won't have to watch me leave."

She shuts her eyes tight, listening as the door shuts, holding onto the promise he gave her.

Her legs are aching to run after him. Down the stairs, chasing after his taxi. But she doesn't. She's still got to finish figuring herself out first, and she knows in her heart when it's opening night, he'll be there. He'll hand her flowers and spin her around. And they'll say hello for the last time.

She's holding him to that promise.

**A/N 2: That was fun. I may write a sequel to this, so watch for it! Thanks again!**


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